Not Today.

Sometimes I don’t want to be ‘on’ because I’ve had a shit day and nothing seems to be going right but I have to pretend it does and I dread it.

I don’t want to deal with the pressures of my work life when my personal pressures are weighing down on me like fingertips on a particularly mottled bruise.

I don’t want to smile and be in high spirits and be upbeat and cheery when I keep reverting back to my life at home, how desolate it feels today. Not today. Please not today.

Today feels like a truck running through a brick wall. I could be either the truck or the brick wall. It doesn’t really matter.

I don’t want to exert myself today but I know if I don’t, I won’t tomorrow, or the next day, or the next and I need to even though I’d rather shield myself with a cat and a blanket and my PVR box.

I don’t want to move or leave. But I do want to move and leave. But I don’t. But I do.

I don’t want to do today. I want it to sail away, off into the distance and be banished from the calendar year forever, or at least for another 300 or so days. I’m just not in the mood to be alive today. I wish I could take a rain check.

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