I just heard that Jason died. And he’s not my friend – I’d say he never has been, but he’s been there my whole life. He was on my first School Reach team. He was on all the field trips I was on. He was a part of my grad class, and maybe he wasn’t my best friend, but I care enough about him that he’s made me realize the value of knowing someone. The alue of a face in the crowd. The value of, as I like to say, “threads” in the tapestry. One thread is unwoven. And I just never thought it would be. They say death is more common than people think in their consciousness. That’s so real for me now. I hope Jason, that you were happy. I hope you felt fulfilled with life and your last thought was of something good and pure and sweet.
It’s been a strange few days. I’m feeling fluish, I’m having a hard time studying, Jason’s death has put a damper on me more than expected, my mom is pissed at me, I’m stressed, and I can’t go to RATT tonight probably. What happened to my ability to be motivated? I miss being motivated. SO much right now. Yet at the same time, who cares? I dunno… it seems like in the grand scheme of things, grades are so unimportant to me. Yet, they have to matter. I wish that wasn’t the case. To some friends, grades are indicative of pride – but I think deep down, they just want to be ahead of people… This stress will soon pass, though and I will be happier next week and it will be okay. I’m pretty sure that I can make it through more turmoil than I ever thought possible. I believe I am extraordinary sometimes. At least now I do.