I was trying to find essays to teach my class and in doing so, felt inspired to get back to writing again (in a more formal, thought-out kind of way.. not a “blog what you’re feeling” kind of way). When I write, I feel more like myself. I think sometimes that the part of me that writes is the part of me that feels most like myself…depending on the day. Soul-searching is complex and ever-changing. amiright?
Sometimes when you have the most amazing story to tell, you can’t necessarily find the words to tell it. It’s like there is too much to say and the organization of the story is difficult for that reason. There’s a story on my mind that I think is an amazing one to tell; about my life, and another person’s life, about an amazing an unlikely friendship that I have which was better and more enriching than the friendships I recently lost. Friendship is a hard pill to swallow. It is the kind of relationship that can be confusing and it can make your head hurt and it can force you to keep secrets that the loved and trusted people in your life wouldn’t want you to keep from them. It’s about helping someone against your better judgment maybe, but then realizing later you were glad you took that chance to help that person because you learned so much from them in the end. This story is that kind of story. There is all of that to say in 1,000 or so words and I don’t even know where to begin.
So on Friday when I had a bit of down time and after reading spectacularly good essays by the likes of Joan Didion et. al, I began to write. And for once, I didn’t hate or find hideously awful the events and the way in which I was telling them. My writing goal for the next month or so is to continue chipping away at that story with the hope that I can carve it out of the block of marble that I see right now.
Storytelling helps me become a more positive and well-rounded person. I constantly feel more enriched, more in tune with myself and more okay with the world I’m living in as long as I can see how I feel and the words I’m speaking and the feelings I’m feeling written on paper or a screen or something tangible. Words are like fine wine pouring from a glass that I want to drink when I’m stressed out or unhappy. That was how I found my positive in the last couple of days.