Fate?

I’ve never believed in fate. I’ve never believed that “everything happens for a reason” or anything like that. My life has just ‘happened’. Events or people I thought were miraculous, as it turns out, were not – I have been wrong about a lot. Unfortunate experiences have led me to believe that no, there is no so-coincidental-it-must-be-magic events. It’s all just random.

These days though, things are either a little rosier, or lack so much shine that I can only really believe that they’re meant to be. When I applied for the position I have now, it just felt ‘right’ to me. The journey I’ve undergone there, the good people, the great moments that remind me of why and how I became a teacher in the first place, have told me that I made the right decision, even when things seem dark and scary and ‘wrong’. I’ve come back “home”, whatever “home” may seem like to people… and that was the best choice I could have made in my career life. It’s hard to be alone out here. It’s hard to be out in the frigid cold. But I walk into that building and I get my day started and it’s 1.5 parts intimidating and stressful, and 1 part good. And for someone new to this, that’s the best I could hope for thus far.

Fate to me is also being with the person who makes me feel so, so, so much less alone when I’m with him. It’s not his responsibility or obligation to pull me up and believe in me, but he does, relentlessly. He’s proud of me; he tells me he’s proud of me. He calls me and doesn’t hang up until I feel better. He sort of vaguely wakes up in the middle of the night and will wrap his arm around me and I sort of vaguely wake up and feel protected. Fate to me is meeting someone from the same city I came from and then being willing and able to both return, together. Fate is being grateful that of all the schools in all of the Lower Mainland of BC, we happened to be at the same one, which happened to put us all together once a week so we could get to know each other from the start. Fate is having a horrible first teaching practicum which incited my thankful switch to another school. And fate is obtaining a close-knit second family.

What do I believe about the universe? I don’t know. But I listened to what the universe was telling me and I refuse to ignore anything it ever tells me again. I’ll continue to fight for everything I have because I’m so, so certain that it’s destined to be right in the end. All of it. The gains and the losses and the hardships and the boundless love. All of it is worthwhile.

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