Distance.

There are two kinds of distance: physical and emotional. And sometimes they comingle and sometimes they couldn’t be further from each other like snowflakes in a flurry being carried away from each other by the wind.

I’ve experienced both. Right now, I feel so close to someone in my heart but he’s towns and towns away and I wish I could wake up beside him every single moment forever, but right now, and maybe for the next year… or more… that’s not possible.

I don’t know which type of distance is worse; the kind where you feel like your hearts are being pulled apart, or the kind when you feel like your bodies are being pulled apart and your hearts are clinging to one another for dear life… I’ve been through both. Right now, the latter seems worse.

I looked around me tonight as I left work and thick fog engulfed me, held onto me by its strong fists, and encompassed everything. It was lonely, standing there, surrounded by fog so thick. It was symbolic of so much that’s happening in my life right now, but then as I drove down the road towards home and I could see lights in the distance, I was reminded that off in the distance, there is a lighthouse that I follow, even when I’m at my most lonely and lost.

Despite distance, my heart grows closer and closer to another person every single day. As I’ve heard that’s often the opposite I’m fortunate. But still, Mondays are the hardest days I have to live through. Some are harder than others. For whatever reason this week was the hardest. It’s going to take me some time to get through this week because of the misery that’s befallen me following the weekend. I just have to keep pushing onward. And remembering how much I know love, and how lucky I am to stare at it fondly every single day, even if it’s from afar.

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