“A Letter to My Future Husband”, from c. 2011

Hey there!

It’s me! Sometimes I feel like I never want to meet you… sometimes I am repulsed by the mere thought of you. Sometimes I feel as though if we never met, I wouldn’t care. But… other times, I hear a love song and I get sentimental about you, despite that we’ve never ever encountered one another. In all honesty, I WILL, much to my dismay, probably meet you somewhere sometime. And when we kiss, I will compare you with him (I’m wired to – I’m sorry!), and you will slowly grow on me. You will remind me of how I felt as a small child and I would gaze out at evenings and wish on stars for everything, and I will remember when my mom got me the grad dress I dreamed of and I was beyond ecstatic. Beyond. Gradually, and healthily, you will enter under the wire, and I will realize what I love about everything. I will become the person I fucking hate. But… then, I’ll be ready to handle you. I’ll feel liberated, elated, overjoyed, thrilled, and absolutely everything. You will be comically tall; you will be jovial and friendly and witty and we’ll watch Extras together and we’ll go on hikes, we’ll swat the mosquitoes from each other’s backs and hair and we’ll laugh and smirk and sometimes judge people and read books and go to every Wilco concert ever. And one day, we will be sitting under a willow tree and presto – you and I will magically look at each other and you will ask me to marry you. I will say yes. And our first dance will be to one of the following songs: “Yellow” by Coldplay, “When the Stars Go Blue” by Ryan Adams, “The Book of Love” by Peter Gabriel or “Drops of Jupiter” by Train. It will be of course, the biggest decision of our wedding, the music. We will debate about it forever, but you and I will find the perfect choice. You will be there for me through it all, though not always in body. You will love my mom and my friends and they will loe you back and together, we will be just a perect, ideal couple. Our wedding will be the greatest day. I’ll get pleasantly shitwrecked and you’ll go out and smoke cigars with your friends. I’ll be so glad – so glad – I made whatever decision it was I made that allowed me to meet you. Because to me, you will be perect, and you alway will be. Where are you now? I don’t know you yet, or care. It’s not our time yet. But when it is, I’ll know. And so will you. Maybe I’m the girl of your dreams. You’ll know from the start, too. You will take me on a date one day and it will be perfect – exactly what I would have picked for us. And I’ll be in touched disbelief. We’ll listen to Wilco and Ryan Adams in the car. We’ll watch shooting stars on the beach. You’ll make fun of me and I’ll fight back. It will be the absolute greatest. I can’t wait to meet you.




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