Second Chances.

I’ve always maintained I don’t give people second chances.

I’ve been thinking about reconciliation lately; under the umbrella of “truth and reconciliation”. I’m aware some people don’t want to reconcile. I am aware that the ills of the past cannot often be undone in a way that is satisfying or fair. I am aware that there is no way sometimes that something awful can be erased. I am aware there are different levels of ‘awful’. I am aware that as long as there are people, there are infinite numbers of ways we can ask for, and give, second chances.

I was thinking about the past. I was thinking about the world around me and how it has shaped me. I wonder sometimes if the past could come back. Sometimes I’m hopeful that it will. Sometimes I don’t want it to. Sometimes I think, what if? What if the past was to come back in a way that was vocal and purposeful? Would I jump at the chance to reconcile? Or would I use that as an opportunity for ‘revenge’ of sorts? I don’t know. Until you’re in that moment and have that opportunity presented… you don’t know.

Right now I’m banking on someone’s second chance for me. And conversely, I’m banking on the fact that I will have an opportunity, even in a small way, even in a way that I never even thought possible, or appropriate, for another chance. Just one more. Because I didn’t get it before. And I didn’t grant it before. And it was all I wanted. I’m surprised to find out that second chance is something I still care about, still want, and still find meaningful all these years later.

Second chances are not a symbol of weakness; they are strength. They are a marker not of giving in or giving up on someone else; rather, they are a sign of hopefulness, journeying forward, and allowing for ills to fall by the wayside, pending they do indeed fall by the wayside and make room for newness, renewal and healing. Pending that things will be different. Pending there is still the same amount of love sitting there that was there all that time ago when we were young and still sitting in the same room, side by side, eyes fixed together, moving forward.

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