Starting Over.

By starting over, I am allowing myself re-establishment. I am allowing myself strength, empowerment, mentorship, positivity, encouragement, happiness, joy, and risk. Risk. I am taking risks every day. I’m taking too many risks for my body and heart to handle. I’m not taking enough risks and it’s causing fault for my daily life. I could be taking riskier risks, and I’m not. I could just sit back and not take any risks at all. I could stay inside every day because all I can see is the rain. I can’t push past. I can push past. I go back and forth in my weak psyche every day because I know what to do and there’s something inherent in me that prevents me from going all the way with risks. I’m starting over and I’m vowing to myself, and I’m vowing through my life, to keep on taking risks. Because there’s no point in January, February, March or April without risks. Oh, risks. Why can’t I take you? Why can’t I leap into your arms carelessly and recklessly and pretend that I’ve always been that srong person who can stand up in the middle of a crowd and take some huge, intense risk? And what’s the point of a risk anyway? Sometimes there’s not even any point. Sometimes you take stupid risks and they pay off in ways we didn’t expect. Sometimes we take a risk and we end up heartbroken and high-fived. Sometimes we take risks and end up in strange bedrooms, in strange hallways, in strange classrooms, in strange peoples’ company, smiling so you don’t cry, agreeing to every word so you don’t let the cracks show. And sometimes you have to remember something important: YOU CAN CONTROL RISKS! YOU CAN CONTROL YOUR LIFE! YOU CAN TAKE CALCULATED, CONTROLLED RISKS AND KNOW FOR SURE IF THEY’RE GOING TO PAY OFF! YOU CAN! YOU CAN! YOU HAVE TO BECAUSE THAT’S THE WHOLE POINT OF THIS! THAT’S WHY YOU’RE HERE, THAT’S WHY YOU’VE MADE IT THIS FAR, THAT’S WHY YOU STAND IN FRONT OF 200 PEOPLE DURING INTERVALS OF THE WEEK AND GIVE THEM SOMETHING TO HOLD ONTO! WITHOUT THAT… WHAT IS THERE? WHY IS THERE?

Breath.

Tomorrow, we start over.

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