My anger.

I’m a shamelessly angry person. I mean this quite literally: I am an angry person, and I have no shame about this. I know the sources and roots for my anger; I know how to control my anger; I know when to let my anger out and when to keep it hidden. I only ‘unleash’ anger when it is warranted or deserved. I don’t need anger management, I don’t need therapy, I don’t need medication or condescension. I need nothing, except to be left alone when I’m angry, so I can sit down and write in a journal nobody is meant to read, about my anger: why it’s there, how I feel, what will help.

If you’ve had the displeasure of facing the wrath of an angry person who has the same temperament as myself, it is because it was warranted. It’s that simple. It’s not secretive, it’s not ‘bad’ or ‘good’. It is my firm belief that in life, people should face the consequences of their actions; people should know when they’ve done something that’s upset someone else. People should expect that when they do something that will make someone angry, they may (and in some cases, will get a reaction). People should expect that one day, they may end up being the ‘bad guy’, the one who is thrust into a situation where someone is angry at them.

I want to take all my anger away. But I can’t. I want to ball it up like a snowball and throw it against aluminum siding of my childhood garage and I want to see it burst into tiny pieces. I haven’t yet come upon that day. I don’t know when I’ll be able to hold it in my hands and let it drop. I don’t know if I can get past something without closure. I don’t know if I can look at my own life in some past situations and be able to separate the incident from the anger. I don’t even know if doing so is necessary, as I can live my life most of the time without thinking of that weighing burden of anger that I feel somedays. I don’t know if it’s possible not to be forceful in anger sometimes. Some people never show their anger; they hide it away. They don’t hold it because they don’t want to feel it in their hands. Those people are lying to themselves. They don’t know anger. They can’t look at it. That’s why the only thing that makes them angry, is anger.

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