June 23, 2009

“I have my two best friends, I have the circle of friends that surround me, I have people I love and have loved, walking around in the world, doing whatever they want. They don’t owe me anything, though. But I owe them a lot. I owe them the pieces of me that they gave me. I owe them time and company and eternal love. I just want to repay all that stuff. Somehow. Even of those people don’t care at all for me anymore, or even if they do. They just…give me emotional support. ESPECIALLY *****. She just means the world to me. I think of my life without her friendship and it is unfathomable. Really. And the lessons I gleaned from her friendship are numerous and invaluable. And she’s made me so happy. So next time I think sadly and nostalgically about the love I DON’T have, I should instead think about the love I DO have. From my best friend in the whole wide world.

One day Journal, I’ll give her back what she made me and gave me. Someday her life will be fulfilled and her dreams and life completely restored. Someday I’ll have a job and a published novel that fits properly together and someday I’ll go to Europe. Someday soon I’ll send roses pouring from the world’s prettiest rain cloud – big white roses. And they’ll all rain down on the person I love the most. So that they’ll know. And it’s no secret.”

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