Too often losses pass us by. We distance ourselves from loss. We hear news stories and watch movies and read articles about loss and it passes us by and we easily let it go as it saunters in and out of our minds with a great level of casualness. We have to live this way; if we allowed ourselves to deeply feel and digest every single loss, every death, every tragedy – then the world would suffer a slow, painful death caused by despair, hopelessness and pessimism. But there are times – hopefully and thankfully rare times, where loss creeps its way onto your doorstep as an unwelcome visitor and remains there, stagnant, its arrival unwelcome and unexpected. As is the case with this past week. It seems everything we thought we knew about mortality, randomness, hope, and life, were tested and disproved. We lost you. Vitality shrunk in mere unexpected seconds.
The kind of person you were didn’t demand an extreme brand of closeness. You were warm, open, always willing to let others share your ideas, enthusiasm and fun adventures. You were popular and well-loved and always seemed to live a full life even through spells of disillusionment that only come from one’s mid-twenties. We weren’t the best of friends, but I know these things about you from my own experiences as well as from those I’m close with that were best friends of yours. I can feel their loss more than my own during this difficult time. I can see and feel the void that has been left in your absence.
You were just here. There was so much promise before you and so much left to accomplish, which surely would have been accomplished. And yet, so much chartered ground and such a deeply-felt mark you left on the world. On one hand, tragedy strikes those who didn’t live life to the fullest. On the other hand, tragedies like these strike people who had done it all. And either way, considering loss of a loved one, neither is any easier.
One of the last times we spent time together was on Halloween; you mentioned to me that you’d love me to share some writing with you in hopes that it could become something bigger and that you would love to help me with that, because that’s the kind of person you were. I never took you up on this offer because I was too afraid; because that’s the kind of person I tend to be. I hope to carry on your legacy and ensure that this isn’t the kind of person I am anymore.
In love and memories,