Say goodbye.

Sometimes the only thing to do is say goodbye.

You don’t actually have to “say” anything; but you can send it off in some other way; in a message in a bottle or by blowing kisses into the wind, or by lying in bed at your lowest of low points, sending your goodbyes out of your bedroom window in hopes that you’ll be heard somehow. But sometimes it has to be done. ‘Goodbye’ is the only thing left.

A goodbye is the most powerful thing; it demonstrates utmost fearlessness, and that you can leave and don’t need your home, or the people in it, to flourish on your own. A goodbye demonstrates that you are ready to move on and have accepted mobility as your new most important companion. A goodbye is acceptance of yourself, of your life, of your limitations, capacities, and truths.

I never take for granted my most powerful goodbye. I remember the moment I realized it was time: I was sitting in my own living room, ignored completely by the person I was about to send away. While he was speaking on the phone to someone he felt was more worthwhile than me, he referred to me, while I sat there, as “nobody important.” And I realized it: Why am I giving and giving and giving? Giving is never going to grant me serenity with this person; this person will never, ever, ever love me completely, or at all. That night I made a pilgrimage to my personal journals and re-read it all; the inception of our friendship, the inception of our romance, our romance’s prompt and harsh demise. And I said, and wrote, “I never want to see him again.” And it was the last time, through any choice or control of my own, that I ever did.

I wish these kinds of goodbyes on everyone I know, because they are so, so, so important. I remember once in my creative writing class, we were instructed to write about habits, and breaking them; keeping someone in your life that only generates negativity and sadness and who makes you pine and who makes you feel worthless, is a habit. I discovered it was and when I ‘broke’ it, I felt free. I’m a free person now. I am free to choose my own destiny and cut people out of that destiny whenever they don’t fit. I know I am, because I did it before and it was successful.

Say goodbye. Set free the person you love: yourself. You will be amazed at how freeing, how transformative, how imperative it is. Don’t let others’ influences, stand in the way of your ability to control who you are, and say ‘no’ to someone even when they hold the reins to your heart.

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