Isn’t it funny sometimes when you look back to an accomplishment of yours that felt easier done than said, and think “this was a DREAM of mine”?
I’ve brought up before the idea that it was once my dream to move to Edmonton; in high school and junior high when I was wedged into the smallest corner of my own small-world life, living in the “big city” felt like an unreachable goal and just saying it would happen would never necessarily make it so (even though I always knew it would, really). Even getting into university was a scary and daunting dream of mine, despite that I know I had nothing to worry about. I remember thinking before I moved, “I can’t even IMAGINE just being able to go to the mall whenever I want!” And now I can say that’s the life I live; and it’s so normal to me now that it doesn’t feel unreachable at all; rather, the opposite is true. Life without the amenities, people and opportunities awarded to me as a citizen of Edmonton, Alberta is now the unimaginable side of the coin.
Two years ago I remember saying to my friend, “I wish I could see what I would look like if I were 50lb lighter”. I couldn’t even imagine then: FIFTY pounds. FIFTY. That’s a lot of weight to lose. That’s a weight loss commercial in which a newly-reformed thin woman stands inside her huge pair of ‘fat jeans’ to demonstrate how many inches of weight she’s lost. It seems once you start weight loss, unimaginable.
In high school, I had much more than even 50lb to lose. And back then, even 20lb seemed impossible to reach. But the version of me who is writing this now has accomplished the seemingly-unreachable goal of losing 50lb and to me, this doesn’t even seem like a lot of weight anymore. I was thinking about it this morning though – 50 lb. I feel emancipated because of that weightloss. From so many insecurities and negative feelings and the burden of inadequecy, of trying on clothes in stores and nothing fitting, of slumping on the couch full of hopelessness. And from some of the people who existed in my life that caused me to feel unworthy of positive change in the first place. I feel far enough from my goal that that milestone isn’t enough for me anymore. But I’m among those who can say they have undergone a signfiicant positive physical change in the wake of a type of emotional inner turmoil. It’s always been a life goal of mine to lose weight. I’m so proud of myself and yet, I feel as though it wasn’t as daunting or difficult as I always assumed it would be.
Whenever I accomplish one goal, I want more. I thrive off my own accomplishments. I love the feeling of success. Too often, I forget that every day I’m living the life I’ve made for myself now, I am actually living my dreams. It’s too easy to forget all of your past accomplishments when you are focused on achieving new ones. I don’t want to ever forget that.