You come upon something that actually brings tears to your own eyes, if only because of the truthfulness and earnestness behind it. I was browsing through an old journal and I came across a very valuable entry that I’d like to share (some of this has been edited to protect my own privacy)…
I need to stop thinking about this! It just gets me down and breaks my heart. And then I walk around all day with a broken heart and where does that get me? I just need something… new. I need something that’s going to transport me to another dimension. I need something different and special to happen. Because I wasted all this time…
Hey. You know what? Don’t worry… everything will be okay. I promise. Someday soon, life won’t be what you make it to be, okay? I promise. It will be good again, it can be good again, everything will be fine. Maybe your dream job will come through. Maybe you’ll win something great. Maybe a new romance will come into your life that’s better than anything you’ve ever experienced. And it will maybe be reciprocated.
Someday soon you’ll realize there’s no reason to feel incomplete like this. And on that day, you can look everyone in the eye and tell them you knew all along it would happen. Maybe you’ll even look in the mirror and like the person you’re looking at. But – the fundamental principle is – its coming. I swear to you. You’re sitting there right now at work just wishing so badly for love and happiness, thinking about how you’d give up what you LOVE for someone you’re counting on and continue to count on repeatedly to no avail… you’re mad and upset and you feel like you’re going to die. But I swear to GOD – I SWEAR – it. will. be. okay.
Just breathe, relax, be calm, be happy, it will all be okay. Seriously. Soon it will be all wonderful and you’ll look back on now and DIE laughing with your loved ones beside you. And you’ll be shrouded in joy. PLEASE BELIEVE ME. IF you don’t, live will eat you alive.
Consider for a moment, all you’ve been through; all those public humiliations, friendless reality TV nights with no one and nothing, merciless teasing, and private deep-burdening shames. You’ll live through this bout too. Consider this for a moment – that as much as you can dictate and control your own life, you can’t control someone else’s. The intricies of the words, thoughts and actions of others are determined entirely by them and not you. There’s nothing you can do. Except know (not ‘think’, ‘KNOW’) that the smoke will clear and very soon, you’ll once again be on Cloud Nine, having the best time of your whole fucking life. It WILL happen. I PROMISE.
~March 20, 2009
And I did! I did! I am! I kept my promise! And just that knowledge makes me cry.