I was re-reading an old journal last night.  It’s such a funny and narcassistic, and sometimes just deeply saddening thing to do.  When I re-read my thoughts during former times of prospect and excitement, it makes me realize how much prosperity and good things were coming for me, but also how many bad, awful things too.  I laugh at myself so often, and I also realize how over-reactive I can be.  And that’s a good thing.  That things which seem like the end of the world are mere missteps — not even — to the person I am now.  Still though… some pages, things I’ve been kind of afraid to re-read and re-visit until now when I think I’m ready to, make me feel kind of dreamy and dry-pained inside the whole time.  And yet, I’m fixated.  I can’t even stop myself now that I’ve started.  And there was a time when I would have given anything to go back to that time… but now…?  I just want it to happen again so I won’t make the same mistakes.

Please, Life… give me that chance again soon…

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