On Brief “Sobriety”

So recently, since I’m unemployed and poor, I cut out drinking to avoid feeling the way I felt last summer, almost all the time.  And it’s been good so far actually,  and oddly nostalgic for all of the simpler times I’ve had in the last five years that didn’t involve alcohol or small bouts of pointless sadness.

It’s like this: when I was in first year, I was the kind of 18-year old that went around being annoying and random and going around to other floors just to say hi, when no ‘hi’ was welcome at all.  And none of these random times involved alcohol at all.  I think in first year, I had more than one drink say… three times.  Other than that, it was say, one Earl’s martini or one bellini, or half a glass of wine.  And it was ALWAYS the best time ever in first year.  And I think along the way, I lost that sense of doing things without alcohol because suddenly, my second year hit and I made friends with drinking buddies and then it was all drinking, all the time.  And it was like this, happily, for a long long time until suddenly, about a month ago now I guess, I went on this intense three-day bender in which I got very very drunk three days in a row.  And ever since that moment in time, drinking hasn’t been the same for me; I’ve felt sick and icky and disoriented and miserable while drinking, and thus, I decided to quit for a while and that break has been GREAT for me.

See, in the past two weeks since deciding not to drink when I went out, I’ve saved a lot of money, and had a crisp, clear time and I’ve come to re-discover a lot of things that I used to love about myself and my life, prior to venturing into adulthood.  I used to be a bit of a loner and in second year, I lost that sense of doing things on my own and being happy that way.  And I’ve re-discovered that recently, by reading books and listening to records and downloading music.  In fact, I’ve realized that I love music now more than I ever have and I’ve realized that it is truly my passion and truly what I want to pursue somehow for my future, and that’s filled a kind of void for me that’s existed for a very long time.  The past year and a half has been kind of a rough patch for me and this break from drinking has really put things into perspective for me and has helped me to focus on and reconnect with ME as opposed to constantly worrying about the affairs of others which I can’t control and now, I don’t even care to anymore.

So because of my love of music and my break from bars and drinking, I feel a little bit more whole now than I have in a while.  Though, it’s given me terrible writers’ block.  But it’s a small price to pay for inner peace and acceptance.

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